so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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