I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
