don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
