I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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