and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
