Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
