took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
