I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
