There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
