i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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