I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
