I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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