Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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