don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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