My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
