I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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