Sry I called you an 8
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
