Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
