I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
