Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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