So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
