i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
