so let's talk penis.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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