it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
