either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
