the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
