My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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