i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
