come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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