my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
