Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
