so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
