the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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