if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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