yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
