They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
