I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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