I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
