Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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