I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
