i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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