New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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