Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
