somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
