i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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