I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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