what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
