after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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