he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
