Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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