I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So many bounce houses so little time
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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